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Ambiguous Loss After Lesbian Couples With Children Break Up: A Case for Same‐Gender Divorce *
Author(s) -
Allen Katherine R.
Publication year - 2007
Publication title -
family relations
Language(s) - English
Resource type - Journals
SCImago Journal Rank - 0.772
H-Index - 87
eISSN - 1741-3729
pISSN - 0197-6664
DOI - 10.1111/j.1741-3729.2007.00450.x
Subject(s) - ambivalence , lesbian , psychology , meaning (existential) , ambiguity , narrative , identity (music) , transformative learning , reflexivity , social psychology , developmental psychology , psychoanalysis , sociology , psychotherapist , philosophy , social science , linguistics , physics , acoustics
The theory of ambiguous loss is applied to structural ambiguity and personal transcendence in the parent‐child relationship following a same‐gender relational ending. Working recursively through the six guidelines of ambiguous loss (finding meaning, tempering mastery, reconstructing identity, normalizing ambivalence, revising attachment, and discovering hope), I use reflexive personal narrative to describe the impact of a child’s psychological presence but physical absence on a nonbiological parent. Three themes are identified: (a) naming the problem—the loss of our family unit, (b) the paradox of presence and absence—fractured parent‐child ties, and (c) recursive discovery of meaning and hope. Implications for practice include the following: (a) applying ambiguous loss to nonlegal relational loss, (b) public policy—the right to same‐gender divorce, and (c) telling our stories as transformative practice.