Anorexia nervosa – my story

I was 10 years old when I got anorexia nervosa. This was not only because I never really learned to accept myself; I also had low selfesteem and I made the fact that I was (supposedly) overweight responsible for all my problems. From one day to the next I decided to reduce the amount I ate, in order to lose weight or at least not to gain weight. If my parents were eating with me, I ate (I didn’t eat much, but I did eat), because I didn’t want to worry them too much. And – because I hated it so much – I wanted to avoid fighting. But I usually didn’t eat a single meal without my family. Since then I have been in hospital, in different hospitals, many times, and I have done a few outpatient therapies. I reached more or less my normal weight when being forced to eat during each hospital stay. But I shed the pounds just as fast as I could after being released, by not eating if my parents weren’t present, using every trick in the book when they were, in order to keep the amount of food and calories intake down. I was obsessive about physical activity and I would freeze on purpose. Every therapy, whether outor inpatient, failed because I wanted to lose weight at all costs and I saw no reason for not losing weight, because I thought life didn’t really offer me a reason for living. Because of my determination to lose weight at all costs, I thought my parents were my enemies: after all, they wanted to convince, even force, me to eat. So I not only fought against eating, I also fought against my parents. It took a suicide attempt to get me into hospital. At some stage I was so underweight that I became depressed, and I didn’t have a reason for living any more or an answer to my problems. This was the case prior to my last hospitalization at the University Hospital in Dresden. I was admitted in March 2002 after another unsuccessful suicide attempt. I had therapy sessions, occupational and physical therapy, and therapeutic horseback riding. I had a meal plan that I had to follow strictly. At the same time I had multi-family therapy, which was an important part of returning to health. This therapy was extremely r The Association for Family Therapy 2005. Published by Blackwell Publishing, 9600 Garsington Road, Oxford OX4 2DQ, UK and 350 Main Street, Malden, MA 02148, USA. Journal of Family Therapy (2005) 27: 142–143 0163-4445 (print); 1467-6427 (online)