Nursing research refrained by the inescapable reality of practice: a personal encounter

This paper describes how an innocent venture outside the confines of academia to update my nursing skills completely changed the focus of my research. I was deeply involved in the theoretical development of my thesis, which I thought was a feminist exploration of the meaning of health for mid‐life women. I was immersed in feminist theory and was exploring the work of the French Feminists. I had written comprehensive draft chapters about nursing, women's bodies and science. While I was absorbed in my theoretical exploration I decided to venture back into practice to improve my nursing skills. I am still unsure why I chose to do this; however, in hindsight, my theoretical exploration was inexorably pushing me in that direction. While my conscious thinking was focused on my stated topic, my subconscious (my intuition) turned me towards another. Being confronted with the reality of nursing practice through working with staff nurses in a gynaecological ward caused a major disjunction in every aspect of my research: the topic, my methodology and the setting, and the experience challenged my feelings about nurses and nursing. This inevitably led to a dramatic and fundamental change in my research.