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Increasingly, professional foresters are expected to participate in communication and consultation processes to present specialised knowledge to non-foresters. However, forest management is increasingly complex; forestry is too important to be left in the hands of those who do not understand its intricacies. In this tongue-in-cheek paper, we provide professional foresters with twelve easy-to-use tips to ensure that presentations to non-foresters remain hermetic, confuse the public and preserve the exclusivity of our professional competence. Forging an unclear message, finding a bad title, and failing to adjust to listeners are just the first steps to success in boring an audience. Over-confidence in technical gadgets and an over-powering use of presentation backgrounds, fonts, and special effects will add to the confusion. Furthermore, efforts should be made to conceal the key message by hiding the big picture, maximizing the quantity of information, and using slides that no one will remember. Jargon is highly effective and should be used wherever possible. The speaker should treat the audience as an amorphous crowd, avoiding contact with individuals and dodging questions. We finally suggest using the last slide as an ultimate weapon to ensure that everyone leaves the room more confused than when they arrived. We hope that these simple tips will help professional foresters across Canada to make the most of opportunities for presentations, thereby reinforcing the correct role of the public in forestry. Key words: presentation, communication, public consultation

How to wreck your own presentation: Twelve tips to confuse an audience