On Not Living with a Partner: Unpicking Coupledom and Cohabitation

The contemporary normative model of sexual/ love relationships assumes ateleology in which some time after getting together two people instantiate theirstate of coupledom by moving in together. As a consequence, those who do notcohabit with a partner are generally thought not to be coupled. Socialresearchers have largely shared this understanding of intimate relationships,operating with a tripartite model of relationships in which people are single,cohabiting or married. This paper seeks to unpick the assumed contiguity ofcoupledom and cohabitation, and to deconstruct the category of ‘single’. Itdraws on data from an intensive investigation of the relationship experiences,practices and values of people who are not living with a partner. It starts witha discussion of the prevalence of not living with a partner, offering acommentary on recent demographic data and quantitative research. It then setsout the methodology used in research, and describes the sample, before exploringthe diverse practices of partnership and orientations towards (non) cohabitationof those interviewees who were in non-residential couple relationships. Threemain orientations are identified amongst the partnered (living apart together,or LAT) interviewees: living apart regretfully; living apart gladly and livingapart undecidedly. The individual and relational contexts of these orientationsare then discussed.