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We examined how men in treatment for intimate partner violence and non-violent men described the mother of their child, and their co-parenting. We interviewed six cohabiting and five non-cohabiting fathers in treatment for intimate partner violence (IPV), and six non-violent fathers on their everyday-life experience of being a father. We performed a theory driven thematic analysis, using ‘we-ness’ as an organising concept. In contrast to non-violent fathers, partner-violent fathers’ descriptions of the co-parenting relationship lacked reference to mutuality, respect and an understanding of family dynamics. Partner-violent fathers tended to present the child’s mother negatively, with non-cohabiting fathers using more categorically negative characteristics. Men in IPV treatment also described more undermining co-parenting behaviours. Therapeutic interventions for men who have used IPV should focus on developing basic perspective-taking skills towards their (ex-)partner and child. With men who are cohabiting, couple sessions on co-parenting should be considered. In separated couples, this work may be more safely conducted individually. The effects of IPV on co-parenting, and through co-parenting on child development, should routinely be explored in therapy.   Key messages    Men who have used IPV exhibit little reciprocity and understanding of family dynamics, and how these may affect children’s development.   Interventions for partner-violent men who have contact with their children should include a focus on parenting and co-parenting, building basic co-parenting skills.

Partner-violent and non-violent fathers’ descriptions of co-parenting