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I solve the problem of nomenclature of planets, stars, and moons, and indoing so repair two of the IAU's blunders. Drawing and improving uponfoundational work by Chen & Kipping, I describe a single, physics-basedtaxonomy that christens all objects in hydrostatic equilibrium as "stars," acategory that contains several subcategories based on the relevant pressureterms in the equation of state. I also acknowledge dynamical considerations,which allow me to describe a single designation scheme for all "stars"following the Washington Multiplicity Catalog convention. Under this unifiedscheme, what we used to call "Planet Earth" is now the moon rock "star" Sun Da.

A Unified Nomenclature and Taxonomy for Planets, Stars, and Moons