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Reticence to express emotions verbally has long been observed in Chinese culture, but quantitative comparisons with Western cultures are few. Explanations for emotional reticence have typically focused on the need in collectivist culture to promote group harmony, but this explanation is most applicable to negative emotions such as anger, not positive expressions such as  Wo ai ni  [ I love you ]. A survey on verbal usage of  Wo ai ni  was administered to university students in Beijing and Shanghai, and compared to uses of  I love you  by American students in the United States. Chinese respondents were not only overall more reticent than Americans in their love expressions, but differed from Americans in avoiding  I love you  expressions with family (especially parents). Interviews revealed that Chinese and American students, the two groups endorsed different reasons for saying  Wo ai ni / I love you . The reasons Americans provided most often related to the inherent importance of saying  I love you , while this was the least frequently mentioned reason by Chinese. Bicultural Chinese interviewees observed that one could perform nonverbal actions or even say English  I love you  as substitutions for saying  Wo ai ni . Chinese survey respondents did not endorse these options, and instead consistently minimized both verbal and nonverbal love expressions. The pattern of responses is consistent with theoretical proposals about high vs. low context cultures, especially with regards to the usefulness of saying  I love you  for relationship management purposes, and for asserting (or avoiding) statements of one's individual autonomy.

Do more, say less: Saying “I love you” in Chinese and American cultures