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“I guess the question I have to ask myself is, ‘How did a decent girl like me get involved with a cult of murderous secretaries?’” In this direct address to the audience in Scene One of the Five Lesbian Brothers’ The Secretaries, protagonist Patty Johnson entices spectators with the promise of a lurid tale of a good girl gone bad. Though we begin the play perplexed by how it is that pretty Patty, who comes from a good family, has an advanced degree in secretarial sciences, and speaks six languages, could turn into a chainsaw wielding serial killer, we leave this maenadic masterpiece pondering the more pressing problem of how could she not. In The Secretaries, Peaches Martin, Ashley Elizabeth Fratangelo, and Dawn Midnight, three administrative assistants who work at the Cooney Lumber Mill in Big Bone, Oregon, welcome the addition of a new employee, Patty, into their secretarial pool. The department manager is Susan Curtis, a narcissistic, male-identified dominatrix who does the dirty work for the big boss, a chauvinist pig named Mr. Kembunkscher, a man so omnipotent and omniscient that his voice on the intercom sends the secretaries into a frenzy. These warped word processors, Patty soon learns, put the secret in secretarial. The office pool is really a gynocentric grist mill, a catty cabal that serves primarily to facilitate the ritual sacrifice of a lumberjack once a month, on the day when the secretaries begin their shared menstrual cycle. Resistance proves futile for poor Patty. In fact, she doesn’t simply succumb to the secretaries; she becomes their new leader. Through outrageous antics and cunning linguistic moves, such as rhyming “secretarial” with “burial” in the opening “song,” the play, in Peggy Phelan’s estimation, “winks at the audience, and makes them complicit

Rage Slaves: The Commodification of Affect in the Five Lesbian Brothers’ The Secretaries