Nothing ventured, nothing gained: People anticipate more regret from missed romantic opportunities than from rejection

Romantic pursuit decisions often require a person to risk one of the two errors: pursuing a romantic target when interest is not reciprocated (resulting in rejection) or failing to pursue a romantic target when interest is reciprocated (resulting in a missed romantic opportunity). In the present research, we examined how strongly people wish to avoid these two competing negative outcomes. When asked to recall a regrettable dating experience, participants were more than three times as likely to recall a missed opportunity rather than a rejection (Study 1). When presented with romantic pursuit dilemmas, participants perceived missed opportunities to be more regrettable than rejection (Studies 2–4), partially because they perceived missed opportunities to be more consequential to their lives (Studies 3 and 4). Participants were also more willing to risk rejection rather than missed romantic opportunities in the context of imagined (Study 4) and actual (Study 5) pursuit decisions. These effects generally extended even to less secure individuals (low self-esteem, high attachment anxiety). Overall, these studies suggest that motivation to avoid missed romantic opportunities may help to explain how people overcome fears of rejection in the pursuit of potential romantic partners.