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The question of whether to see partners individually as part of couple therapy has been hotly debated in couple therapy circles for decades, but has rarely been addressed in the psychoanalytic couple therapy literature, especially the self psychology literature. In an effort to fill that gap, this paper briefly reviews the reasons many couple therapists have traditionally avoided such sessions, encourages a reevaluation of those concerns, and suggests ways to minimize or reduce the risks. It argues strongly that in some cases, individual sessions can be an attuned, empathic response to the needs of one or both partners and the most effective way to help improve the relationship between them. Rather than hard-and-fast rules, the paper advocates that couple therapists use their empathic understanding of each partner’s history and inner world, the couple’s dynamics, and their own needs and motivations, to make attuned, empathically responsive decisions based on each partner and couple’s particular needs at a particular time. Clinical vignettes are used throughout the paper to illustrate key points.

Individual sessions as part of couple therapy? How concepts from self psychology can help us decide