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Drawing upon risk-regulation theory and classic theories of interpersonal attraction, two experiments (N = 117 and N = 401) tested the hypothesis that self-esteem and arousal interact to regulate the desire to connect with new social partners. A mini-meta-analysis confirmed that when arousal (or its influence) was stronger, self-esteem was strongly and positively associated with connection motivation ( d  = .53), but when arousal (or its influence) was weaker, self-esteem was unrelated to connection motivation ( d  = −.05). Furthermore, stronger (vs weaker) arousal decreased lower self-esteem individuals’ connection motivation ( d  = -.23) but increased higher self-esteem individuals’ connection motivation ( d  = .36). These results suggest that self-esteem is an important moderator of the link between arousal and social motivation.

The tell-tale heart: Self-esteem, arousal, and relationship initiation