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No studies to date have examined the experiences of gay men following a failed infant adoption, which is when the adoption process ends before it is legally finalized. Gay men are at risk of experiencing psychological distress following a failed adoption. The aims of this grounded theory study were to discover the experiences of gay men who had a failed infant adoption and to explore the grief and coping response. Eight gay men participated in in-depth interviews, representing 10 distinct failed adoptions. All participants met the birth mother and had a high intensity of contact. Data analysis resulted in an explanatory process-based framework, which was divided into three categories: (1) building anticipation, (2) adoption failure, and (3) loss of child. The adoptive parents’ anticipation strengthened as time passed and as they moved through the adoption steps, and they showed attributes of antenatal attachment. The adoption failure led to complex grief, like the response heterosexual men experience following their partner’s pregnancy loss.

Losing a child: A grounded theory of failed infant adoptions among gay men