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This study considers relational meanings and processes associated with parents’ desire to pass on their religious faith to their children while also honoring their children’s personal religious choices. In a non-clinical sample of religious families, we explored meanings related to the significance of faith transmission and children’s agency to parents in addition to processes related to religious socialization. Parental desired continuity was defined as parents’ desire to have their children remain committed to the faith of their family of origin. Parental perceived agency was defined as parents’ perception of their children’s right and ability to make personal religious choices. Guided by research questions about how parents balance their desire for religious continuity with their perception of their children’s agency, we present a theoretical model that illustrates the relationships between these concepts (Figure 1). Parents and children described relational processes that supported both parent’s desires and children’s agency such as: (a) teaching principles and values, (b) providing expectations of religious participation and responsibility, (c) setting an example, (d) not forcing faith, (e) allowing exploration and mistakes, and (f) showing respect for children’s views. Additional analysis examined parental interpretations of their children's current or future faith choices. These varied interpretations included parents’ expressions of failure if their children left their faith, parents’ acknowledgement of acceptance of their children’s alternative choices, as well as parents’ hopes for their children to internalize values and to learn for themselves. These findings support previous research about bidirectional and transactional processes between parents and children and suggest that religious decisions can provide a rich context for these processes. BALANCING RELIGIOUS CONTINUITY AND AGENCY 2 Many parents begin parenthood with high expectations and dreams of what their future family life will hold—they may hope their children will adopt their values, inherit their athletic ability, enjoy their same hobbies, or follow in a similar career path. For many religious parents, one of their most deeply held desires is for their children to find meaning and purpose in the same religious tradition in which the children were raised. Thus, many religious parents walk a fine line: they long to pass on their faith to their children, yet they recognize the need to simultaneously balance their religious desires with their children’s growing religious autonomy and with their children’s current and future religious choices. For some, making peace with the ambiguity associated with their children’s personal religious agency can be soul stretching. In this study we focus on processes and meanings associated with parents’ religious socialization of their children. We investigated parents’ desires related to religious transmission (desired intergenerational continuity in religious identity and commitment) and how parents’ beliefs about their children’s religious agency (perceptions about respecting one’s children’s choices about their own faith identity and commitment) seemed to influence relational processes. Although parental perspectives framed our study, both children’s and parents’ perspectives were explored in order to understand interactions associated with processes of religious socialization. Review of Literature In recent decades more people have left the religion of their family of origin (Arnett & Jensen, 2002; Colaner, Soliz, & Nelson, 2014), a trend reflected in a national survey on religion and family life which revealed that 44% of Americans reported they had changed or dropped the religion of their childhood (Pew Forum on Religion and Family Life, 2008). Furthermore, factors such as cultural shifts in values, an emphasis on individual choice (Arnett & Jensen, 2002), and immigration have led to greater diversity in family contexts as well as changes in how Americans approach religion and spirituality (McCarthy, 2007; Numrich, 2007; Walsh, 2012). The religious and spiritual practices of today’s youth comprise a study in diversity as well. Some have joined the religious “nones,” others have returned to greater orthodoxy, and still others seem to select some aspects of religion they favor while rejecting aspects that are less appealing (Bengtson, Putney, & Harris, 2013; Willoughby, Marks, & Dollahite, forthcoming). Late adolescence and emerging adulthood are times of “soul searching” that feature and involve religious changes including conversion, deepening of faith, switching denominations or even religions, or exiting faith entirely (Smith & Denton, 2005; Smith & Snell, 2009). In addition to studying religious practices, several studies have explored the religious attitudes of youth and emerging adults. Arnett and Jensen (2002) studied the religious beliefs and mindsets of 140 emerging adults and found that young people consider it a right and a responsibility to make their own religious choices apart from their parents. Additionally, Hughes and Dickson (2006) suggest that religious identity may now be more a matter of personal choice than familial legacy. In Lost in Transition: The Dark Side of Emerging Adulthood, Christian Smith and colleagues followed a national U.S. sample through the teen years and into emerging adulthood (Smith & Denton, 2005; Smith & Snell, 2009). They concluded that a significant BALANCING RELIGIOUS CONTINUITY AND AGENCY 3 portion of their emerging adult participants appeared to be lost spiritually, occupationally, and relationally (Smith, 2011). Despite trends toward more individuality and less religious continuity, Bengtson et al. (2013) suggest that the changing religious climate among young people may be less about rebellion and more about “rejuvenation” and the restoration of positive religious ideals (p. 206). Bengtson and colleagues suggests that innovation and rejuvenation is vital to the transmission of religion and spirituality and that young people may help to encourage positive religious development over time. Historically families and religions have been intertwined and have been a means of passing on values from one generation to the next (Bengston et al., 2013). Several studies have found that parents are the primary source of religious influence on children (Bao, Whitebeck, Hoyt, & Conger, 1999; Denton, 2012; McMurdie, Dollahite, & Hardy, 2013; Myers, 1996), particularly through practices like prayer in families (Chelladurai, Dollahite, & Marks, 2018; Hatch et al, 2016). In a twelve-year longitudinal study of parents and their adult offspring, Myers (1996) concluded that parental religiosity is the most significant factor in the religious involvement of adult children. Although Arnett and Jensen (2002) found little relationship between childhood socialization and the religious beliefs of emerging adults, it is important to note that rigorous longitudinal research has found that many young adult “prodigals” who leave their parents’ faith later return (Bengtson et al., 2013). Whether this pattern of return will hold for the Millennial generation is uncertain (Willoughby et al., forthcoming). Into the early 21st century the transmission of religious values from parents to children was typically regarded as a unidirectional process of parents influencing children (Bao et al., 1999). Indeed, to that point much research documented that parents transmit values and beliefs to their children through teaching, example, and discipline, with little research noting the converse influence of children on parents (Palkovitz, Marks, Appleby, & Holmes, 2003). Subsequently, Palkovitz et al. (2003) posited that the varied contexts of parenting engage bidirectional processes between two or more generations, affect developmental outcomes for parents and children, and influence meanings that families create. Over the past two decades, researchers have begun to note that parents and children do influence each other religiously (Dollahite, Marks, Babcock, Barrow, & Rose, 2019; Dollahite & Thatcher, 2008; Pinquart & Silbereisen, 2004). Employing a longitudinal data set, Bengston et al. (2013) utilized the life course perspective concept of “linked lives” to explain how children’s and parents’ religious decisions have mutual influence. Indeed, Marks and Dollahite (2017) discussed a phenomenon related to the experience of parenthood where even young children may influence parental religious involvement, sometimes significantly. Contemporary ideas about socialization acknowledge dynamic interactions, transactions, and processes involving children acting as agents who exert (and resist) influence. These ideas suggest that transformation for both parents and children and not just merely continuity should be anticipated in the processes of socialization (Kuczynski & Parkin, 2007). In a 20-year longitudinal study that observed parent-child relationships across two generations, Spilman, Neppl, Donnellan, Shofield, and Conger (2013), explored religious continuity and BALANCING RELIGIOUS CONTINUITY AND AGENCY 4 conceptualized religiosity as a resource positively associated with interpersonal skills that influence the quality of family relationships within and across both generations. According to Kuczynski and Parkin (2007), bidirectional influences result from parents’ and children’s understandings of each other’s behavior, the meanings they associate with interactions, and how they accommodate and respond to each other’s goals and perspectives. They also suggest that future research address relational processes between parents and children acting as agents and adapting to each other’s agency. The value of qualitative research in the study of intergenerational relationships and processes that influence family life has been recognized by several scholars (Kuczynski & Daly, 2003; Marks & Dollahite, 2011; P

How parents balance desire for religious continuity with honoring children’s religious agency.