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Societies and social scientists have long held the belief that exclusion induces ingratiation and conformity, an idea in contradiction to robust empirical evidence linking rejection with hostility and aggression. The classic literatures on ingratiation and conformity help resolve this contradiction by identifying circumstances under which rejection may trigger efforts to ingratiate. Jointly, findings from these literatures suggest that when people are given an opportunity to impress their rejecters, ingratiation is likely after rejection experiences that are harsh and that occur in important situations that threaten the individual's self-definition. Four studies tested the hypothesis that people high in rejection sensitivity and therefore dispositionally concerned about rejection will utilize opportunities to ingratiate after harsh rejection in situations that are self-defining. In 3 studies of situations that are particularly self-defining for men, rejection predicted ingratiation among men (but not women) who were high in rejection sensitivity. In a 4th study, harsh rejection in a situation particularly self-defining for women predicted ingratiation among highly rejection-sensitive women (but not men). These findings help identify the specific circumstances under which people are willing to act in socially desirable ways toward those who have rejected them harshly.

Paying to belong: When does rejection trigger ingratiation?